this is me trying not to ruin anyones life. this thing is dead. no more words or ambiguity. i'm sorry.




-----------------------------"To give up entirely. Give up in the sense of offer up rather than abandon."

here's to wishing things that could never happen and knowing that my wishes never come true. here's to 5 degree weather everywhere i am. here's to this keyboard not working. here's to sleeping in a trailer with a bunch of cats. here's to phonecalls that never come in and rarely go out. here's to missing you.

dont have enough time in the day to do anything. god i love my parents. i never thought this would get this big- it's so weird. it makes me feel dumb and nervous. i am leaving again tommorrow. i don't really know what to say. the right words never come out when you're around.

you remind me of cherry coke- i don't know why.

you've got a friend in P.A. when i'm driving these hills are filled with houses and rooftops just clipping the skyline. the outlines of smokestacks and bridges against the night remind me i am so far from home. from the back of the van i am filling notebooks (that you'll never see) just for you. i'll never wake up to eyelashes falling on the brownest eyes. i'll never get to roll to you and make you kiss me like you mean it, or not kiss me at all. and please just tell me i am completely wrong for thinking that you'd pick anyone over me.

the moment you realize that there is something wrong with you that you just can't fix is liberating.

no matter how much i focus on it. the words just follow me around. have i said too much? stop me before my throat starts bleeding. god, what's wrong with me? it happens every single time.

there is something wrong and i can't fix it.

this is farewell to falling in love with all the wrong hearts, to screaming the worst story you've ever heard. i'll confide in only paper and die by the phone on saturday nights [no love is safe]